Should We Judge Our Emotions?

I grew up learning to judge my emotions… Maybe you did too?

Some were good.

Some were bad.

Some holy.

Some sinful.

My emotions said something about me as a person. And as a christian, if they weren’t the ‘right’ kind of emotions then it meant something wasn’t quite ‘right’ with me.

I don’t think anyone explicitly taught me this – I picked it up through underlying cultural norms, off-handed comments, tone of voice, and other seemingly innocuous beliefs. Not all emotions were ‘good’ or ‘safe.’

I remember clearly, feeling crummy about not measuring up to the Christian ideal, and then feeling badly that I didn’t measure up, and then feeling badly about feeling bad, and on and on I would spiral. I would get myself into quite the pit of despair with this thinking.

This happened with other emotions too, and led to an all or nothing kind of mentality. If I felt one ‘bad’ emotion, then I may as well just fall all the way down the crapshoot because I’ve already failed.

This kind of thinking led to a lack of emotional health in how I processed things. The only truly safe place for me to feel all of my emotions was in my writing. I began keeping a journal when I was 10 years old. I’d write about what happened in a day and how I felt about these happenings. I credit the habit of journaling for the level of self-awareness I currently have.

In 2017, I read Ann Voskamp’s second book, ‘The Broken Way,’ and one sentence stuck out to me – I wept when I first read it.

“Emotions are not meant to be judged; emotions are just meant to be felt and submitted to God.”

Wow.

I remember feeling such a sense of relief in that moment. Finally I could let go of my opinions about different kinds of emotions and just feel whatever I was feeling.

Freedom.

My journey to this place of freedom, truly began in September 2016, that was when I finally let Jesus into that locked door in my heart. The one that hid all the trauma and fear that I carried from my childhood. Jesus began walking with me through each part, and though difficult, every step with Him was worth it. He never left my side.

I read ‘The Broken Way’ about five months after I opened that door to Jesus. This was another pivotal moment for me.

Not judging my emotions was so life-giving. I no longer had to feel shame or guilt for feeling any sort of way. I could simply feel what I felt and surrender it to God – asking him how to move forward and what I should do.

I now view my emotions as lights on a car dashboard. They are indicators, telling me something is going on underneath the surface. When I see a light flash on, I have a choice to make, pull over and investigate what’s going on underneath the hood – or wait it out and see where I breakdown.

Emotions to me are no longer ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ ‘holy’ or ‘sinful.’ Emotions just are. They exist and I acknowledge them. They don’t get to drive my decisions, or lead me impulsively, but they also don’t get ignored, shoved in the trunk and forgotten.

Emotions are signals, telling me that something needs some attention. They’re indicators of what’s happening. They’re helpful because they reveal what I carry in my heart.

It’s true that sometimes emotions feel good and happy – like when my husband surprises me with flowers and chocolate ‘just because’ and sometimes emotions are uncomfortable or difficult to sit with, like when a friend misses a coffee date or I don’t reach that goal I’d been working for, but that doesn’t make these emotions objectively ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ It just makes them what they are.

So what do you think?

Do you have a habit of ‘judging’ your emotions? Or do you acknowledge them, find out why you feel that way, and include Jesus in your plan of action?

No matter where you are on the spectrum of the two options above, I encourage you to take a few minutes today, sit with pen in hand or fingers to keys and release some of the things you’re feeling. And once you identify what you’re feeling, why not ask yourself why you feel that way too?

I also recently ready an incredibly helpful book on the subject that I would definitely recommend,

“Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.” by Peter Scazzero.